Carlin-style

Resort fees used to be called theft. Then they became “mandatory incidental deposits.” Then “urban destination recovery contributions.” Now they’re “amenity enhancement.” The language gets longer as the lie gets smoother. You’re not paying for …

They call it a “safety demonstration.” Two words. Sixteen letters. What it demonstrates is that safety is a product they can sell you without actually providing it. The seatbelt won’t save you if the plane hits the ground at 500 miles per hour. The flotation …